The Most Stupid Race of All
A racially insensitive commentary

Disclaimer:

Although the title of this article is not politically correct, readers are advised not to fly off the handle just yet because I am not referring to any of the color-coded races known to us. It is not about white, black, yellow, red, or striped. So far, there is no scientific evidence to prove that any of these “races” is any dumber than the others. Yet I have solid and undeniable intelligence confirming that all human races are equally stupid.

Therefore, if you are a member of the human race of any color, this is the perfect time and opportunity for you to officially get offended by this racial slur.

Before presenting the case against humanity—and to reduce the hostility of readers toward this writer—it is imperative to clarify a few points. My fellow human beings, I am one of you: a member of the human race. I possess a valid driver’s license and a passport for verification purposes. So, rest assured that I am not an irresponsible crocodile on the brink of extinction, a pissed-off rhino, or any other endangered species that goes around shooting its mouth off or spreading racially motivated comments against humanity for the sake of retaliation.

Let it be known that although the facts presented here may be examined for accuracy, the motive and intention of this writer should not be questioned. Needless to say, I am not so thrilled to be involved in such a controversial issue.

Unlike most lucky people who stumble upon a backpack filled with blood money hurled from a car at the end of a high-speed police chase after the criminals smash into a gas pump and explode, I happened to uncover a bizarre exposé: a highly classified document circulating among sub-humans concerning the future of the human race.

Given the significance of this discovery and its potentially catastrophic implications for our species, I have no choice but to publish its findings, despite the tremendous risks involved. Undoubtedly, the Illuminati (the sub-humans) will attempt to silence my voice and prevent me from revealing their secret plot.

The document begins with an in-depth analysis conducted by the Center for Strategic Studies for the Survival of Sub-humans (SSSS), an acronym so deliberately overstuffed with S’s that it sounds like a hiss, as if secrecy itself were part of the branding.

According to the document, the study of human behavior, compared to a wide range of non-humans (animals, beasts, elves, ghouls, etc.), proved that the human race was confirmed to be the stupidest race of all.

The accuracy of their study and the historical references cited are astonishing.

The report concludes that, ironically, human stupidity is directly proportional to technological achievement and social advancement. In other words, the more sophisticated human became, the more they hate one another.

“History supports this conclusion with depressing consistency. The invention of agriculture gave humans surplus food and wars over markets to sell it, and more land to produce even more surplus. The printing press gave humans literacy, mostly to spread lies and promote division among them. The invention of dynamite vastly improved humans’ construction and mining ability, yet they found the cleverest ways to use it to blow one another to pieces. Colonialism carried civilization across oceans not to improve other people’s lives but to subjugate them into slavery and to commit genocide,” they wrote.

According to the report, as humans become more “civilized,” they become increasingly segregated. The sub-humans attribute this phenomenon to what humans proudly call intelligence, but which the report consistently refers to as human idiocy. They believe that animosity among humans represents the pinnacle of this stupidity and will ultimately result in humanity’s self-destruction. This is how the human race is viewed from the outside.

The document claims that humans possess a unique talent for creating unjustifiable divisions among themselves based on color, ethnicity, nationality, gender, ideology, and religion. The report reads, "We have never heard of mules of one tribe attacking and killing thousands of mules just like themselves of another tribe solely due to their tribal pride. They may kick each other over a voluptuous and coquettish female donkey; this is reasonable, but bloodshed over skin color is unheard of. We have never heard of white jackasses sailing across oceans, capturing thousands of Black jackasses from the other side of the world, transporting them in chains, and forcing them into lifelong slavery.

We have never seen thousands of monkeys savagely attacking their distant relatives simply because of ethnicity. We have never experienced land disputes, religious wars, or ideological cleansing among animals. These phenomena are unique to the human race. Humans must be outrageously stupid.”

The document identifies another persistent historical pattern: humans consistently choose stupid leaders. Images of IQ test results allegedly taken by many world leaders were included for examination. The results suggest that some leaders are even more stupid than their own followers, a finding that sub-humans reportedly find baffling. The report states, "Humans choose dumber leaders and then blindly follow them, committing the most heinous crimes against one another in the name of humanity. What kind of logic is that?

Humans possess extensive recorded history in books, libraries, and archives, yet they never learn. They record their failures meticulously and then repeat them with improved efficiency. Humans have killed more members of their own species than all other subhuman species combined. Why don’t these idiots learn from their own history?”

The report then turns to what it describes as the most impressive and dangerous accomplishment of the human race.

Humans, convinced of their superior intelligence, have begun creating artificial intelligence, machines they openly acknowledge will soon surpass, control, and may destroy them if left unregulated. Despite this awareness, humans continue to accelerate their development. Humans argue about it endlessly. They warn one another publicly. They publish thoughtful essays. Then they immediately resume competing to make it faster, smarter, and capable of concocting the most insidious plot to dominate others.

The report notes with fascination that humans appear to believe intelligence is proven not by wisdom, restraint, or survival, but by the ability to build something powerful enough to conquer others, even if it eventually eliminates themselves. According to the sub-humans, this represents the pinnacle of human stupidity: creating their own nemesis while congratulating themselves for innovation.

And the darkest and most devastating part of this document is its conclusion. The sub-humans have reached the following unanimous decision.

There is no reason to interfere. Humans require no assistance in destroying themselves. They are perfectly capable of doing the job alone, on schedule, and while arguing over who is responsible.

What truly worries subhumans is not the fact that humanity is on the verge of destroying itself as a race, but the inevitable outcome they cherish. What ticks them off is the fear that, before managing to eliminate themselves, damn humans will destroy the planet Earth and render it uninhabitable for everything else. In other words, the problem is not suicide; it is collateral damage.

Ironically, these subhumans blame themselves not for accelerating humanity’s self-destruction, but for failing to intervene sooner and before humans reached this advanced stage of stupidity, where they might wipe out the Earth before wiping themselves out. Their regret is not that humanity may go extinct, but that it may not die responsibly.

The only substantive recommendation issued by the sub-humans is purely logistical: identify secure locations to hide when the planet becomes uninhabitable, wait patiently for the chaos to subside and the dust to settle, and then emerge to repopulate the Earth with sub-humans, the true owners of the planet. 

The document ends with these dire final words:

“With the humans gone, the planet will finally recover.”