Most Stupid Race

Most Stupid Race of All: A Racially Insensitive Commentary

Although the title of this article is not politically correct, readers are advised not to fly off the handle just yet, because I am not referring to any of the color-coded races known to us. It’s not about White, Black, Yellow, Red, or Stripe. So far, there is no scientific evidence to prove that any of these "races" is more stupid than the others. Yet, I possess solid and undeniable intelligence, confirming that all human races are equally stupid! Therefore, if you are a member of the human race of any color, this is the time and opportunity for you to officially get offended by this racial slur.

However, before presenting the case against humanity and to alleviate any hostility readers may feel toward this writer, it is imperative to clarify a few points. My fellow human beings, I am one of you, a member of the human race, and I have my valid driver's license and a passport for verification purposes. So, rest assured that I am not an irresponsible crocodile on the brink of extinction, a pissed-off rhino, or some other irritated, endangered species that goes around shooting its mouth off and spreading racially motivated comments against humanity for the sake of retaliation.

Therefore, although the facts presented here may be examined for accuracy, the motive and intention of this writer should not be questioned. Needless to say, I am not pleased to be involved with such a controversial issue. The truth is, under very unusual circumstances, I’ve acquired a highly classified document that was circulating among "sub-humans" regarding the human race. Unlike most lucky people who find a bag full of cash on the street, I happened to come across this classified document. Yet, due to the significance of this unique discovery and the immense impact it has on the future of our race, I have decided to publish its findings. I am taking tremendous risks by publishing this exposé. Undoubtedly, they (subhumans) will try to silence my voice and stop me from revealing their secret plot.

The document begins with an elaborate analysis conducted by the “Center for Strategic Studies for the Survival of Sub-humans.” According to their study of human behavior, as compared to a wide range of non-humans (animals, beasts, elves, ghouls, etc.), the human race was confirmed to be the most stupid race of all. The accuracy of their study and the impeccable historical references presented in this document are astonishing.

This study concludes that our stupidity is directly proportional to our technological achievements and social advancements. They are convinced that as we become more and more civilized, we tend to become more and more segregated. They argue that the source of this inexplicable phenomenon, which exists only in the human race, must be our "intelligence,"—which they consistently refer to as "human stupidity." They believe that the animosity among us is the pinnacle of our stupidity, which will ultimately result in our self-destruction as a race. This is how we were portrayed in this report. This is how the human race is viewed from the outside.

This document claims that humans are the only species with an idiotic talent for creating unjustifiable divisions among themselves based on color, ethnic background, nationality, gender, ideology, and religion. The report reads, “We’ve never heard, for example, white mules kill black mules because of their skin color. We know they throw a few kicks at each other over a beautiful female donkey; this is reasonable, but bloodshed over skin color is unheard of. We have never seen, for example, thousands of Asian monkeys savagely attack their fellow Amazon relatives across the globe simply because of their ethnicities. We have never experienced land disputes and religious conflicts among animals. These are unique to the human race. Humans must be so outrageously stupid.”

This document also demonstrates another troubling historical trend among humans. It claims that only human beings have a knack for choosing stupid leaders for themselves. (A photocopy of the IQ test results taken by most world leaders was presented in the file for further review and examination. It clearly showed some leaders are even more stupid than their own followers!) This is incomprehensible to sub-human species. They wrote in the report: “These dumb human beings choose dumber leaders and blindly follow their leads, committing the most heinous crimes against each other with no remorse in the name of humanity. What kind of logic is that? Human beings never learn, although they have much more recorded history in books, in their libraries, and in their newspaper archives. Why don’t they search the subject on the Internet and read? We are puzzled. Human history is filled with crooked leaders who callously turned simple differences among humans into antagonistic disputes and created wars. Humans killed more of their own species than all other sub-human species combined. Why don’t these idiots learn from their own history?”

“Due to the dark and gloomy outcome of human evolution, we beasts are convinced that evolution is not a viable option for us. We have issued a warning to all wild animal species in the world, including worms and maggots, and urge them to stop their evolution projects until further notice.” The report concludes.

In light of recent discoveries, the report declares, "The human race is a clear and present danger. These jackasses are not worthy of this beautiful planet and must be eliminated before they destroy the entire planet." (At the bottom of the same page, in an explanatory footnote, they formally apologized to all honorable jackasses for this improper reference.)

To accomplish this task, sub-humans are carrying out a sophisticated plot to get rid of the human race. The chimpanzees are suspected leaders of this anti-human movement. They must be the masterminds behind this elaborate scheme. They know we are on the road to perdition. No wonder they always mock us by showing their ugly teeth and mooning us! This mooning gesture symbolizes their defiance to the human race. They are inviting us to kiss their ass.

But their conspiracy to destroy the human race is more sophisticated than what we may think. They work on different levels. According to the recommendations presented in this document, they have penetrated into our civilized societies. They have insiders among us disguised as human beings and operating as high-ranking politicians and world leaders who possess legal and moral authority over us to expedite the annihilation of the human race.

Therefore, the presidents of our countries and leaders whom we devotedly follow may look and act like stupid humans, but they may actually be smart undercover chimpanzees relentlessly carrying out their evil mission. They are systematically antagonizing our differences to expedite our self-destruction. These undercover agents have successfully used the weapons of mass sedation to tranquilize us, to make us as indifferent as possible to our destiny on Earth. They have inoculated the human race against feeling and understanding the pain and suffering of our fellow human beings.

This is an apocalyptic scenario orchestrated against the human race. To preserve our human dignity and our livelihood on this planet, we must act now before it’s too late.